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The Giant's wife

Thomas Lunt retells the story of Jack and the Beanstalk from the perspective of the giant's wife!
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          So I think sometimes when I tell white lies it hurts me but I don't care because my husband just thinks I am his slave. Do you think it's easy being the giant's waitress?

          One day I watched the Jolly Jack skipping along and he was as happy as the beaming sun but should I help him? What would you do in this situation? Well what I did was I let him in. Yes I know my husband would kill me, but we had a deal so can you keep a secret? The deal was we would never tell anyone - yes anyone. 

          So this is hard telling lots of lies all the time everyday but when the giant has gone it's Jack's time. I know it's a stupid game but soon he is out hahaha.

          So you know that sweet little boy Jack? Well he exclaimed that he came through the tiny hole in the door and stole gold from my husband's gold mine somewhere in this place. What I had to pay for with my own money and it was 20 000 pounds. One day he will pay and I will break his house down.

          Well that peebrain giant thought I was making food for him - he wishes! No way I would actually do that? That is why me and Jack should be together instead of that goody two shoes Gill. Well she is not all that bad but one day I will be with him. One day... until then I will have to be with the giant. One day... One day... Oh ha ha ha.

          When my lazy husband was half asleep my darling Jack came through the hole and I said sweetly "Hello" and he said it back. After 10 minutes he had a goose and gold and then we said at the same time "Toodaloo, goodbye." But one secret what I would like to tell you I maybe took a picture but I hope the giant does not find it. 

          So yes I'm back and I have got a big one today. You know sweet jolly Jack? Well we still have white lies and when I was standing next to my rotten husband he stank like garbage from the toilet! Arrrgggghhh! Next time I won't stand that close. At least if it wasn't for Jack I would not do that to anyone else. No way hosay, that's for sure! I wish that annoying giant had a stupid job. Anything, just so I can be with the Jack who I love so so so so MUCH! He is the best human in the world.

          You know my hideous, gigantic husband? Well he went down that stupid popping up beanstalk. But first I had to push him to do it and you don't know how hard that was and he went down as fast as an eagle trying to catch his prey. You know what I did? I went on twitter but it was hard, I had to find the internet and after an hour and a half I did- long I know.

          Well after I actually got a video of the big, grumpy giant but he was already on earth. It was so funny because he said he hurt his hand and he thought he was sophisticated but really he was not and it was funny because he had a massive bump on his head! It was hilarious and it looked like he had a horn.

          So after ten hours he got up and then Jack and that stupid Jill got married and I got an ugly giant who does not care about me but at least I care about him and I said "Leave Jack alone." But I still miss the big bump and I still miss the little Jolly Jack.